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Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Pacifist in the Mommy Wars

After dipping my toes into the controversial water with yesterday's post, I thought I'd dive into the fun with this one, too.

So, a lot of people are talking about this Time magazine cover. Let's be honest--it's sensational, it's probably a little tacky, and it seems to be just one more thing that gets women to insult each other about motherhood.

My fellow moms, can we please stop doing that?

I'll be the first to admit, before I had Catherine, I was pretty quick to judge. I used to say {or at least think} things like, "Why can't they just _________ (be on time, make that kid mind, teach their children to be quiet in church...)?"

Let's just say I do not ask those questions anymore. :) She's all of three months old, and I have learned my lesson!

But it is still tempting sometimes to question or criticize other parents' choices, isn't it? 

I read a really interesting article this week about why we do that, and it seems to come down to this idea that if someone makes a different choice than we do, we feel that they are implicitly criticizing our choice, which makes us defensive, and it kind of becomes a cycle.

So, let me just go on the record and say that I, your friend, am not judging your choices! I have every confidence that you, my sisters, are doing the best you can for your families right now. I know that you have put thought {and, for many of you, prayer} into your choices and your decisions, and it is OK if we look at the same question and come up with a different answer.

Bottle or breast? Work at home or outside the home? In-home care or daycare? Homeschool or public school? I'm just not going to fight about these questions or criticize someone else over their answers. We are all doing the best we can.

So, yes, Time, I'm "Mom enough." And so are all the other mothers. Whatever we're doing is enough.

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